My silent friend

I was annoyed. I have been trying to play with it, but he was lying there still, not moving an inch from the wooden plank beneath. His long, droopy ears were a contradiction to its breed, but nevertheless, I loved them. Those ears were touching the plank, and his round black eyes were gazing at the floor; he was motionless, unlike my other friends who used to make sounds, walk, play music, and most importantly, they all were colourful. It was a pleasure to look at them, be with them, enjoy various sounds, watch different movements and race with them. But with him, I had to make efforts. I had to do all the talking; he would listen to me patiently, would allow me to cuddle him when I was low or crying, or maybe bored of those jazzy friends. He was grey in colour, like that of  the sand; he was soft like cotton; he was my silent friend.

“Why you left me like that? I was all alone in the big hall, on that wooden plank, I was waiting for you to come and pick me up, but you never did... Why?” My eyes opened in a flash, I had this dream again. Sweat drops had appeared on my forehead, and my heart was beating fast. The recurring dream has become a part of my dreamland. It would appear and then disappear for a few weeks, months or even years, but it would come back again, to remind me of my selfishness. The thought was hidden somewhere in my subconscious mind. It was the guilt that was keeping this incident alive. It was the guilt of abandoning something very dear, just because it wasn’t a peppy playmate like others. Guilt lingers with you; initially it eats you up, and slowly it shifts its place from conscious to subconscious mind, only to rise from the mind’s maze at the least expected time.

We had packed our bags and we were ready to leave. All of my other friends were neatly packed in the carton. They were all set to leave with me for a new place, new city, new life, new people and of course, new friends. I was all excited, so were my other friends. But I hadn’t packed him, because I had decided to leave him there, to punish him for being so lifeless. We had plans to come back again after a few months, and my mother had promised that we would bring him next time. He was old, possibly more than five years older than the others. His colour had faded, his body was sagging and he had started looking ugly. I had tried to wash him several times, but every time, his grey colour lost more shine and firmness. Maybe, I had started ignoring him when I met new friends, or maybe, I was bored of him and more attracted towards my new company. In the journey of life, one tends to take old friendships and relationships for granted, and invest more energy, time and effort in the new ones to let them blossom. It must have happened with me too.

“Days turned into months, and months into years, I waited for you to come and see me. I was covered in dust, and there was no one to look after,” he said, this time, after all these years. “Those walls and rooms where I used to see people, happy, smiling faces... they were quiet for decades. I would wake up with the sunrays coming through those wooden windows, and fall asleep with the sunset. Lying there in the dark was a nightmare,” he continued. “In summer it was fine, but winters were harsh, they were cold. You remember how we used to shift to the ground floor during winter? That warm and cosy environment had vanished, the way you did.”

“Then one day, new people came. I looked awful and they showed no mercy either. They threw me in the garbage bin. My memories of the house, where I had been living for all these years, were forced to leave the house like me. So what if I didn’t talk? I was a part of your life and that house. I died that day. It was unbearable to see myself being punished for silence.”My eyes again opened in a flash, but this time there was no sweat, no fast heart beats. Calmness had descended, because I knew the reason why I never had any other soft toy in my life. It was because I had abandoned one. And that guilt never allowed me to take a fancy on others.

.............My silent friend was a grey-coloured rabbit.